I will NEVER forget the late winter and early spring months of 2012. I'd been alone at the lakehouse in an attempt to rebuild my life, but what happened was a series of attacks and downfalls -- one after another. My first marriage had failed, putting a strain on my babies. A relationship ended, then my mother passed away. I was left broken, desperately in need of healing, and I knew it. I put everything on hold --- my writing, readings, everything but ME. I made an announcement to readers that I'd write books again once I was in a better place, and I declined every request for readings. Why? Because when you're broken, you have no business trying to inspire or guide others. My stance then, is what it is now: to do my best work (whether writing a book, reading a client or parenting a child), I need to be coming from a place of strength and clarity.
Back then, I was in a compromised state. But there were two things I was VERY strong and clear on: I wanted ME back. I wanted to regain the career I once had, and go even further. I wanted a home again. I wanted good relationships with my kids again. I wanted to fall in love again… this time with the RIGHT man.
I realized my current situation was only going to change if I decided to change it. So I decided to be blessed, grateful, optimistic, determined. I decided to be THANKFUL, rather than focusing on all my challenges. I decided to be HAPPY, even though I had plenty to stress about. I understood that I was still alive, still breathing --- so clearly there was still time to recreate my life.
I'd learned, though. I knew I couldn't do it on my own. Oh, I'd managed to create plenty of good things for myself in the past, but none of it had lasted. None of it was what I truly DREAMED OF, deep in my heart. You know what I'm talking about, ladies… that dream we all have in our hearts, of the life we want to live. We can see it so clearly… our home, the way it looks and smells… ourselves, the way we look and feel… the relationship we want to have.
In those days, I wasn't as fragile as I'd been right after my mom had died, but I was weak. I journaled constantly (I can barely read those journals now, the entries are just heartbreaking…) and I spent lots of time in nature. When I wasn't in the woods, I was at the beach. But the highlight of my life each week, was going to church and Bible study. It was truly my only anchor. I clung to God like a baby clings to it's mother… because I wanted that SUPERNATURAL OUTCOME. I wanted that supernatural shift. I wanted my mess to turn into my message, my grief into greatness. I wanted my broken heart to turn into a heart that overflows with love, compassion and kindness. THAT, MY FRIENDS, is something only God can do. No, not the Universe. No, not "Spirit" --- GOD. The CREATOR of the Universe. The one who made it all. The one who knows each one of us intimately, keeps track of our every move, our every thought, our every feeling. I knew if I was going to truly come out of my current situation into all the good things I wanted, God had to take me there.
I wasn't messing around. I had no more time to waste. I didn't want to try and do things on my own, I wanted results, FAST. My little lakehouse was situated right on the water. I can't tell you how many times I sat on that beach and prayed, right out loud. Sometimes I would walk through the woods, with tears streaming down my face, praying out loud, hoping I didn't run into anyone else who might be walking or hiking that day! I can't tell you how many times I walked as far out into the water as I could go, and just lifted my hands up to heaven and called out to God to help me, restore me, lift me up, bring me back, use me, bless me, heal me. "I'm ready, God, I'm ready!" I said it over and over, day after day, after day… Night after night, after night… I would sit in church services with my notebook and take notes like crazy! I wanted to learn the personality of God, the purpose for this earth, what is expected of me as a child of God, how I could please Him…
Sunrise on the lake...
Deep in the woods across from the lakehouse…
In retrospect, my breakthrough didn't take long. I understand now, that had everything to do with the fact that when I told God I was ready, I really WAS ready. (Sometimes we think we're ready for a shift, but we're not. Sometimes we want a shift, but we're not ready or willing to do what it takes. But that's another post for another day…)
That spring Equinox, I felt a literal, physical SHIFT. That day, I felt a weight lift. I remember the day, vividly. It was sunny and mild. There's a springtime smell that comes to the lake -- one I can't describe unless you've been there -- I opened all my windows and let that beautiful fragrant air in… I cleaned the lakehouse with all my natural products and essential oils, and then even though it was only 50 degrees, I put on a bikini and went over to the beach. I remember lying there on my little blanket, soaking up the sun, just basking in the sound of the water and feel of the air. I knew I was being cleansed and healed. I knew something had SHIFTED. I was on the brink of my breakthrough… I could FEEL IT.
That day on the beach… Spring Equinox, 2013.
My breakthrough was coming… I could feel it.
What happened next was one of the liveliest springs of my life! JoLynne became a very social girl! It just… happened! I always had dinners and parties at the lakehouse, but those increased, big time. I began dating, big time. (I won't clarify it any further, but let's just say, men came out of nowhere! Good men, too! No players! This was really the work of God!) I remember standing in my kitchen one sunny afternoon, drinking wine with a friend… I told her I knew my new husband was close, because the quality of my life had entirely shifted, the level of men attracted to me had shifted. She was excited for me and asked if I thought any of my current "male friends" was THE ONE. I told her nope, but I would know him when I saw him. AND I DID.
On July 13, 2013, I met Jon Whittaker. And I can tell you with honesty, the minute I saw him, I knew there was something about him, I knew he was going to be part of my life. Jon says he had the same experience, EXACTLY, the moment he saw me. But what's funny is, so many women think getting the guy is the end of the story, the happy ending. I can tell you, my story didn't end there, and it's not over yet. Jon coming into my life was instrumental --- for both of us. And as it turned out, he needed me as much as I needed him. But the things we have experienced and achieved since being together, OUTSIDE of our marriage --- are just amazing. More on that another time…
For now I want to leave you with this thought ---- all the good stuff, all the amazing things, that shift you're waiting for, that breakthrough you've been praying for ---- it all begins with the decision to be HAPPY. To be GRATEFUL for what you have, to recognize how BLESSED you really are. Somewhere, there's someone who would gladly trade places with you. Somewhere, there are people who are suffering in ways we can't imagine. Tonight, there are people locked up in prisons and mental institutions. SO BE GRATEFUL, CHOOSE HAPPY --- because truly, can't you see you are blessed??
And finally… if you really want that shift… if you're really ready to go to the next level in your life… if you're tired of hoping and wishing, and trying to finagle every little detail by yourself, LET GOD IN. Invite the God that made you into your life. And then… THEN, my friends --- just watch how you soar!
xoxo I love you all…